This piece is simply beautiful. I relate to a lot of what you have shared, and your writing gave me hope as I felt connected to you. Self-inflicted problems are often the hardest, at least they have been in my case. I understand how difficult it is to talk about your problems. But I think that we should talk about them when we can. Enough people out there are sharing stories about their perfect life, pretending to have it together.
Reading an honest story like yours makes me feel that I am not alone.